1. Which of these breakfasts is least likely to give me cancer?
2. Do these trainers make me look cool or like an adult baby?
3. How the hell do people wear suits and not look like rodeo clowns?
4. If someone took a picture of this gym weights room right now it would look like a promo shot for Expendables 3 and I'd look like their comedy sidekick
5. I wonder if I'll go grey or bald first?
6. Holy crap did I just get carded for beer? Either that dude is blind or I found the fountain of youth in the freevend coffee machine at work
7. Wait, coffee is bad for you? No. They took cake and meat and beer away, they're going to have to pry this cup from my cold, dead hands
8. Rick Moranis was proper funny. Is he still alive?
9. I really need one of those lads holidays where we have hot-dog eating contests and drink all the Spanish beer and get third degree sun burn on my feet
10. I have no idea how much money is in my bank right now and for some reason I'm totally ok with that
11. Nobody can do a lads holiday because they have kids and mortgages like real adults? Damn son
13. How the hell does this Pret avocado wrap have more calories than a two piece meal from KFC?
14. Since I bought that Go-Pro I've totally not done any extreme stuff
15. I should just put 10% of my salary aside each month for attending other people's weddings
16. Why do they bother making food that isn't pizza? Can't we all work together to make zero cal 100% daily vitamins pizza instead of test-tube steak and nuclear space missiles?
17. I own one big ass TV. But there are at least six in this shop window that are bigger than mine and I'm totally not cool with that.
18. Why have I been on my phone all night? When else am I going to find five hours to research something I may currently want to but never actually will buy?
19. Is it cool to eat dinner after 10pm? How about if we placed the take-out order at 8:50?
20. The best thing about this two day hangover is the sudden respect I now have for Oliver Reed and his ability to act like a real human while feeling like he'd lost the zombie apocalypse
21. Not sure if that girl is wearing Rude Dog leggings because she likes the 90's cartoon or if it's a £50 statement of irony that I can't understand
22. I know everyone mocks craft beer but this is delicious and Carling tastes like bat urine and I give zero care what anyone thinks
23. I'm going primal on this sandwich on the tube and if anyone takes my picture and tweets about it I'm going to track them down and push a loaf of bread through their letterbox one slice at a time, every day, for a year
24. Did it always take this long to brew a cup of tea? I swear it didn't take this long back in the day. Hurry up and get delicious
25. Somehow I own like two hundred dvds and I'm pretty sure I've only watched most of them once
26. What is the best sandwich? Probably wafer thin ham and butter. That's a good sandwich. A good basic sandwich. None of this pesto and loganberry jam rubbish
27. For a grown ass man I seem to watch a lot of kids films
28. Everyone else seems to care an awful lot about Star Wars
29. Is there a cut off age for wearing pyjamas in winter because it's pretty cold sometimes
30. Do laptops really make you infertile? If not, why would someone make that up? That's a really sperm specific urban legend
31. Am I fat? Not in the Rick Ross or Raekwon cool chubby, but like proper fat camp fat?
32. Girls totally do pregnant wrong. If I got pregnant I would totally move onto the sofa and watch every episode of Friends
33. Why are you listening to my advice? I have no idea what words are even coming out of my mouth. Why are you all nodding? Stop it. It's wrong.
tags / baggsy, 30 things, thirty something, 30 something, breakfast, cancer, expendables 3, rodeo clowns, high tops, Rick Moranis, Hot dog, nathan's hot dog eating countest, pizza, bill murray, lost in translation, pret, avocado, kfc, rick ross, raekwon, zombie apocalypse, Oliver Reed, rude dog, star wars, do laptops make you infertile, laptops, star warspyjamas, sandwich, dvds, disney, tea, craft beer, london, sperm, urban legend, Friends, Buffy the vampire slayer